


An Ocean for your Secrets

by Shotosanxiety



Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fever, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sickfic, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 22:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20919575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shotosanxiety/pseuds/Shotosanxiety
Summary: “The ocean still scares you, doesn’t it?”Makoto looked at Haru then immediately his eyes dropped downwards. He knew the dark haired male had known the whole time, but still hated himself for getting worked up in front of him."..I'm sorry," he whispered, before passing out on his best friend's lap.Makoto was better than this, he knew that, but a trauma was a trauma and he was just Makoto - a human.[A small spin on episode 6]





	An Ocean for your Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Makoto is a unstable but brightly smiling soul that must be protected at all costs.
> 
> Also, I just felt it would be nice to have a little Makoto-centric fic with just a bunch of comfort for our traumatized baby <3

“You starting to feel a little calmer?”

Haru asked while the blue orbs in his eyes rested gently towards the ground. Makoto was leaning into his knees beside him, he had been quietly panicking for the last few minutes after what happened with himself and Rei. Haru could tell Makoto still hadn’t grown from his (somewhat lifelong) fear of the ocean. But, he wanted a justified answer from the dirty blonde although Makoto’d easily given enough pointers, in fact those pointers had been made clear even before they had arrived on the island.

The raven sighed when he got no answer from his friend. The whole trip needless to say flopped, and now there they were stuck together in the pouring rain stranded at night on an island most likely away from their teammates. The damp sand underneath them stuck to their cold skin like mud and only ruined the mood even more if that were possible.

Haru was going to move closer to Makoto to try and get him to talk until he froze when the male finally replied.

“Yeah..” he said breathlessly, quite obviously not telling the truth. He was always stubborn when he got like this with Haru. Makoto never allowed himself to tell his team when he’s upset because he’s more scared of worrying people than his problems. His issue though, was that himself and Haru were stuck, alone, and cold with their only choice being to talk with each other until they hopefully find Rei & Nagisa.

The dark haired male turned to Makoto. “Be honest with me,” he paused and stared directly into the male’s eyes.

“The ocean still scares you, doesn’t it?”

Makoto looked at Haru then immediately his eyes dropped downwards. He knew the dark haired male had known the whole time, but still hated himself for getting worked up in front of him.  
Makoto was better than this, he knew that, but a trauma was a trauma and he was just Makoto - a human.

“I thought I had gotten over it, but I took one look at Rei earlier.. And well, seeing him like that..” his voice trembled at the end, still shaken up by the image of his friend swallowing a wave of sea water while desperately trying to stay above the ocean. Haru’s eyes squinted slightly also knowing Rei may have drowned. Makoto shut his eyes as a final way to stop tears begin to creep up on him.

“It’s just… The memories of that day came flooding back…” his hand shook slightly over his face. Haru sat beside him with a frown, that day was hard for both of them when they heard of the typhoon. Except to Makoto it traumatized him that someone he was so close with just vanished from _one_ wave. Haru couldn’t blame him. If he lost someone in that typhoon, he was almost certain he’d be worse than how Makoto managed to hold up.

Haru thought that was the reason for Makoto’s fear at the moment, but when the brunette cried “It’s meaningless without you here!” that left him lost for words.

Makoto untensed and stared back at Haru, lowering his hand from his face. “I’m sorry..” he quietly said, starting to lose his breath.

“You have nothing you need to apologize for-” Haru was going to say, until he felt the hard shoulder of his best friend touch his, and before he knew it Makoto was laying on his lap almost passed out. He could tell it was just from exhaustion and not anything too harmful, but Haru was still worried. However, when the dark haired male heard the desperate breathing from his teammate he grew more concerned and lowered his head to hear him. The teen’s breath was labored, and now that Haru took a closer look he could see a small red tinge to the male’s cheeks and sweat began to build on his forehead.

Haru frowned to himself, now was not the time for their team to be getting sick. But, he supposed it was only karma for diving into the ocean at night while a thunderstorm was in action. There wasn’t much he could do now besides waiting or calling for help.

To his blessing, the sound of Nagisa calling out excitedly with Rei behind him snapped Haru out of his worry. He turned his head to find the two running towards himself and Makoto, visibly no damage been done to their bodies. Haru sighed with relief and gently lowered his friend to the sand so he could stand up and talk to his teammates.

“Haru-chan, Mako-chan! I’m so glad we found you guys!” Nagisa gasped out in relief, Rei not too far behind him caught up. The male turned to greet Haru, but his speech was cut short before he even started. “You’re an idiot.” Haru said bluntly, his eyes were ice cold as thought the water in those azure irises had froze. Rei lowered his head and wasn’t going to try and deny it, he knew that the whole situation could have been avoided and someone like him to foolishly do something reckless was astonishing.

“Swimming in the ocean, at night? You could’ve gotten yourself killed.” the dark haired male stormed on, Nagisa in between the two tried to calm them down by splitting Haru & Rei with his arms. Rei didn’t move, and he felt he shouldn’t even try to apologise for the dangers of the situation. The blonde noticed how upset the midnight blue haired male was looking, and could tell he was clearly guilty. Nagisa decided to turn to Haru, who was staring bullets into Rei.

“Haru come on, you can’t blame him for wanting to catch up with his teammates” He said sticking up for Rei and putting an arm on the dark haired male in front of him. Haru looked at Nagisa with a face that clearly read _he doesn’t deserve sympathy right now_ but it dropped almost immediately and fell into remorse. The two looked up as they heard the quietly muttered “Sorry” from Rei in front of them. Haru merely responded by turning down his head to the side.

“Anyways.. What’s going on with Makoto?” Nagisa noticed the two boys had broke the tension and went to change subject. Not only that, but his curiosity got the best of him when he saw the captain of their team asleep to the right them three. Haru slowly answered, seeming empathic for Makoto.

“We made it back to shore a few minutes ago and I almost had to perform CPR on him, until he fortunately woke up. We were talking for a few minutes until he suddenly passed out with a fever” Nagisa and Rei’s eyes widened. Their horrified faces made it easy to tell what they were thinking _CPR? You mean he drowned-?_

“Yes, almost, we were just lucky to make it back in time” Haru answered without them needing to ask anything beforehand. Rei looked like a lost child that had just been abandoned.

“I’m so sorry for this, I should’ve been more vigilant..” he said dropping down to his knees. Nagisa went down to his side instantly and put an arm around him being the kind soul he was. “It’s okay Rei-chan, we know you didn’t mean for anything awful to happen.” he soothed while Haru stood silent for a moment. The freestyle swimmer nodded.

“We have more important things to take care of now, since I’m not sure it’s alright for us to have Makoto unconscious in this weather” he stated and knelt over to feel the warmth coming off of the brunette’s skin. Nagisa and Rei perked up at the words and came to huddle with Haru and Makoto. “You’re right he is starting to look bad..”

Rei commented on the weak position Makoto was in, easily identifying that he’d caught something from being in the ocean. However it left him confused by how fast it took for the water to take a toll on Makoto’s immune system. Nonetheless, Rei knew he had put the brunette into the situation he was in and was determined to help his teammates bring the male back to health. “Poor Mako-chan..” Nagisa sighed and grabbed Makoto’s right shoulder. “We can’t let him get worse in the rain! We need to bring him to a shelter” he said through grunts while helping the brunette to sit upright.

Haru & Rei both thought to themselves hoping to get an idea for where they can go to find shelter. To their despise, the rain was getting heavier and the temperature was dropping lower than how it was when they were in the ocean. If they didn’t think fast they’d all be ending up like Makoto. Speaking of which, the male had begun to groggily open his eyes.

Haru noticed first, and immediately grabbed the other shoulder Nagisa wasn’t holding on to. “Makoto!” he half-yelped at the sudden movement. The brunette looked as though he was in a daze, which was worrying the three healthy males.

“Haru-chan.. I don’t feel-” Makoto tried to speak but had launched himself into a (thankfully light) coughing fit. Haru grew more concerned as he helped get the brunette to catch his breath along with the help of Nagisa & Rei. “Save your talking for later, we need to get you out of here” the dark haired male ordered and started turning to any direction hoping to find shelter. His luck wasn’t with him.

“Haru-chan… I see light.. Over there..” Makoto quietly rasped out while trying to stay awake. He pointed to small bright structure over a hill in the distance. A lighthouse the three all stunned. They quickly helped Makoto up, his shoulders rested on Nagisa and Haru. “You’ll be okay Mako-chan, we’ll get you warm soon!” the blonde chirped determinately. Rei nodded and stood up to lead the group. “Come on, this way!”

-

The group arrived at the front of the lighthouse, Makoto had long gone fallen asleep again which was a trouble for Haru and Nagisa. The thunder crashed above the tall building, and by the looks of it there were no lights on inside. To put it lightly, the place looked run down and creepy. Haru seemed to be the only male not affected by the daunting structure and made their group enter, although he had stepped inside first. Inside was warm thankfully, which was the main objective, but it came at the cost of a messy uncomfortable interior and everything that belonged in the package of being haunted. Rei gulped, Nagisa shivered, and Haru pushed up to the second floor anyway.

The team made it upstairs in a quick speed so they could finally set down Makoto. He was looking the most worn out after all. They gently lowered the brunette to the cool floor of the lighthouse and decided to finally let him rest.

“There, now if we all just keep each other warm we may be able to stop him from going hypothermic” Rei stated, feeling satisfied with their work. Nagisa nodded, but was confused for the most part. “But how would we do that?” he asked now worried there won’t be a way to help his friend.

Rei merely chuckled. Haru knew where this was going, he sighed.

A human blanket was the objective, and they seemed to do just that after a bit of moving around. Haru layed closest to Makoto, Nagisa and Rei lay slightly over them both. It was more a pile of sleeping men but as long as it did the job for the freezing brunette they didn’t care. Eventually, the group managed to fall asleep until it reached around 4am.

Unfortunately Makoto was the first to wake, and to his dismay he felt a lot worse than a few hours ago, but he could acknowledge that he was at least warmer. But warmth wasn’t enough to release him from the crashing boulders in his head, he had a splitting headache. On top of that, he didn’t feel like moving and he couldn’t breathe through his nose so his mouth was his last resort. But besides all that, what he hated the most was that he hadn’t managed to forget what just happened, which felt more painful than any of his symptoms.

He was sick and felt awful, but he felt even more awful when he saw his friends lying in him as the way to keep him warm. He felt guilty for causing so much trouble, the brunette frowned in his position, hoping the feeling would go away but he knew it wouldn’t. He wanted to go home and be safe, but with how he was at the moment that probably wasn’t coming for awhile.

_Funny this is.. it almost reminds me of that day.._

That was right, he thought. The day Haru had been feeling sick for a whole day and he didn’t notice once until the male fell into a river and almost drowned. That was the day he thought Haru was gone, and it would’ve been his fault for not stopping him.

_“Rin-chan, have you seen Haru-chan anywhere?” Makoto asked while adjusting his collar as he was about to sit down outside the cafe. Rin sat down on the opposite side of him, and nodded. “He said he was going to the bathroom, but I’m sure he just wants to sit in the beach showers and soak for awhile” he answered with his shark grin. Makoto chuckled lightly and nodded. ‘That’s so like you Haru-chan.’_

_It had been awhile now, Rin and Makoto had already finished their drinks and were starting to get worried for Haru. The two sat around a little longer, Makoto was tapping lightly against the cafe table._

_“There he is!l” Rin shouted and pointed to where Haru was slowly walking towards them. Makoto stood up as well, and smiled when he saw the dark haired male. But something was off, Haru looked exhausted as if every step was hard for him to take._

_-“Haru!”_   
_ -“Haru-chan!”_

_Before the two could do anything, they watched as Haru tripped on the stone bridge and fell to his feet. Makoto panicked and began running over, but it was too late. Haru went over the edge, head first into the river._

_When Haru woke up next, he could only feel and hear the dampness of the grass around him, his own breathing, sirens, and sobbing. After that, his world went black._

_Makoto was hyperventilating, surely, he could only look at the almost lifeless body below him in terror. His tears were blocking his view and his only comfort in the moment was his crying, he was also shaking. Shaking in anger, guilt, worry, but mostly fear. He was scared he just lost his best friend. He was so scared, he didn’t know what was going on. The world was spinning and his mind couldn’t keep up with reality. Haru loved the water, Makoto never thought he’d see the day with him drowning inside of it. Rin behind could only watch, no words coming out of his mouth as he watched the brunette scream and cry inches away from the unconscious male. He honestly never thought someone could cry so much._

_Makoto didn’t stop, when the paramedics had to force him away from Haru he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. They had to take him to the hospital as well in case he lost too much air from hyperventilating. Makoto didn’t care, he just wanted Haru. His Haru. His Haru was gone. Washed away. And it was his fault, all his fault until-_

“Makoto! Makoto!”  
“Mako-chan!”  
“Makoto-senpai!”

The brunette opened his eyes and found his face wet with tears._ Did I fall asleep again?_ He looked for the nearest light source, and noticed how it hardly changed from earlier, meaning he probably was only asleep for no longer than twenty minutes. Still, he saw the worry on his teammate’s faces - especially Haru’s.

His breathing picked up again as soon as he saw his face. Why was he so scared? He couldn’t stop himself, and not the coughs that followed after losing his breath. He felt the warmth of hands massaging his back as he coughed, and they helped. But he was still lightly shaking. He then put two and two together and realised. _Ah, I must’ve had an attack without realizing.. _He calmed down slowly.

“Mako-chan don’t cry! We’re here for you!” Nagisa whimpered and wrapped himself around the tall fragile male. “N-Nagisa..” he stuttered quietly.

“Makoto-senpai, I’m terribly sorry I’ve made you like this, I really am” Rei quivered and knelt in front of him, also putting his arm over the males shoulder.

Haru looked dumbstruck, he hadn’t remembered the last time Makoto had an attack like that since they were in their last year of middle school. His frown was painful to look at, and he couldn’t find the right words to say to help make the situation better. He could only whisper, “It’s over now.” And that was enough to stop Makoto from sobbing any further.

“You guys.. I’m sorry, I’m putting a burden on all of you” the brunette looked down, rubbing his face clean from tears. He was the laid back down with the help of Rei and Nagisa. “Nonsense, we all have to let it out sometimes, there’s nothing to feel bad about Mako-chan” the blonde smiled lightly at his captain. Rei nodded and Haru began to softly stroke through Makoto’s hair.

He was disappointed in himself, that he was nearly an adult and still petrified of the ocean. It hurt him that his friends would probably grow up and enjoy going to beaches and he’ll be left behind. If only he could’ve done more, or been strong enough to handle to situation. It hurt him a lot, but it wasn’t like he could do anything more to help himself now.

_“I’m proud of you, Makoto”_ Haru whispered quietly into the brunette’s ear, making him flinch. But, those words helped, and they gave him the extra support he yearned for.

Makoto sighed, a very small smile crept on his face. He was miserable at the moment, but it was nice knowing his friends were there for him.

The group was silent for a few minutes as they started to think about what to do next. It was too early to wake up, but they’d only get thirty more minutes of sleep if they wanted to rest. Makoto was feverish, and the team was restless, things weren’t going the way they really wanted at the moment.

“..HaH’Keshh!” The brunette leaned forward abruptly and covered his face from his teammates to cover the germs and his growing blushed face. “..Sorry,” he murmured. Great, now I’m going to be sneezing the day away as well.. The blonde however, found this as a great way to start conversation.

“Wow you sneeze like a kitten Mako-chan!” Nagisa complimented in utter awe and it deeply confused the male. Rei sat up admiringly. “It’s quite fascinating actually, that a tall built male like you to have such a high pitched sneeze” he added to Nagisa’s awe. Haru sighed painfully.

“Come on, lay back down, it’s best you get as much rest as you can before we go anywhere” the male approached Makoto and laid back down beside him, feeling the warmth radiating off the brunette’s skin once more before tugging on his shirt to make him fall back.

“You know I’m starting to think as drastic as this situation got it seems as though we’ve all bonded even more than before!” The breast stroke swimmer chirped.

“It’s quite beautiful indeed” Rei added.

“Bondings great you guys, but I really don’t feel well right now so is it okay if we go back to sleep for just a little longer?”

“He’Kshh!” At first, the blonde and midnight blue haired boys stared at Makoto, but he shrugged at them, which only meant that -

“Haru?!”

The dark haired male was already asleep, his hand interlocked with Makoto’s. But, his breathing was stuffed.

The remaining three awake people moaned in unison.

The End

.  
.

Bonus:

The team had stayed in the lighthouse until it was 7am, they had been mixed between sleeping, sneezing and talking for the last two hours. Haru and Makoto both came down with colds, but they were pushing through together. Everything was fine until Rei sneezed.

“Aww great! Now it’s only going to be another hour before we’re all down and we’ll never make it back for help!”

“Last man standing Nagisa, enjoy it.” Haru grunted.


End file.
